surgery #2

Hi friends,
I know, I know, I'm overdue for a blog update. Much has happened in the last couple weeks. Mike has continued healing from the gall bladder surgery. The pathology report came back and concluded what the surgeon suspected - multiple infections - one very sick organ. Mike's stomach and GI track are learning to live without the gall bladder and his pain is getting better. We did return to the ER Friday night as Mike was in quite a bit of pain - someone lifted something heavy too soon - he hasn't seen my killer biceps, apparently. ahem.

Mike also went to see a neurosurgeon today, and he said the tumor has definitely grown and should come out. He said Mike could have radiation as well to shrink it, but eventually it should come out. The surgeon could not guarantee that headaches would get better after the surgery but it should help the endocrine issues. If it doesn't, we have to stick with medication and try to figure out the headaches. One step at a time, though. We are hoping for an early July surgery date as Mike has a wedding to do in a month, and then we'd like to get away for a couple days for our anniversary before the surgery/recovery and the start of another school year for me. We are waiting to hear back from the office to schedule the surgery. Overall, we feel good about this decision. We feel like it is the right decision and are hopeful that it will help with the endocrine issues (likely) and headaches (hopefully). And what's a summer without some minor brain surgery?! That's how we roll!

I was told two weeks ago that I was moving to a new position in the middle school. You might remember I've talked about this position, really wanting to make the change of positions. I was told I couldn't take that position due to my full- time status and then things changed and I was told I could. I was thrilled. I didn't realize how much my current position was taking from me. I've seriously thought about doing something different in the near future as I really feel like in the last 5 yrs there has been a big shift in education - it is so much less about educating kids and investing in their lives which is where my heart is. All that said, I was thrilled to be moving, and working with a team I really like. Unfortunately today, it was suggested I may not move - that I stay in my current position, and I lost it - full out cryfest! This job takes SO much out of me, and with all I've carried for the last 2 yrs, I just don't have the emotional strength to do this again. There are many VERY complicated factors involved with this, but today was very crushing . . . . and the first thing I thought was, life isn't turning around to be better, life will always be hard. Life will never be restful. I will always have to be strong. I don't have a choice but to work and carry health insurance, and while I am THANKFUL for a job when there are so many without one, this job is taking an unbelievable toll on me . . . . one day at a time.


In better news, . . . . . . . . . . .MIKE IS STILL SEIZURE FREE!!!!!!!!!! It is likely at this point that it was a side effect of medication . . . . and one day when life slows down we may need to deal with the emotions of that. We asked many drs for a long time whether this was a possibility, and were told "no" every time. sigh HOWEVER, our prayer was, and remains, that we would learn what we need to throughout all this. One day at a time.

Happy Mother's Day

The dictionary defines mother as, "to care for or protect like a mother; act maternally toward" and synonyms for mother are: "tend, nurse, mind, raise". On this Mother's Day it is only appropriate that I give kudos, a giant shout out, if you will, to my mom. What a year and a half. What utter disparity we have felt. What pain and agony life has dealt us. We have wanted out - out of life, out of sickness, out of all this side of Heaven has to offer. When I have been in my darkest moments, and wanted nothing more than to be done, I called mom. It hasn't been once or twice, it's been countless times. And countless times she has stepped up to be what I only hope I can be a fraction of someday.

She has tended - she has been at Mike's side while he was falling on his face several times daily. She has been by Mike's side through surgeries and procedures and painful medical tests. Tended.

She has nursed. She has been Mike's physical nurse and my emotional. She has helped us feel better in ways we didn't know we were hurting. She has advocated for Mike in countless hospitals. She has cared for him at his sickest moment when I just couldn't juggle all the balls anymore. Nursed.

She has minded. Mom has seen the best of the Durkees and the worst - she has observed and noticed things about us that needed correction, in love. A yr and a half of illness can be unpleasant on marriage and personal character, but mom had a way of encouraging, in love, the things that she saw in us. Minded.

She has raised. At 32 yrs old, I can say mom is still raising me. She has lived a lifetime of struggle with Ben and has an attitude of joy, encouragement and tender-heartedness. How many times I called her in hysterics telling her I couldn't do one more day, telling her God left me, that He didn't love me. And in her gentle spirit of love, she would remind me not to "let the enemy convince you He doesn't care. He knows intimately what you are going through. He understands it better than any of us could. He has not taken His eyes off of you for one second - even if it feels that way". She sent me that note, when I was perhaps at my lowest in all of this. And at the end she wrote, "wish we could take it all away" . . . . and at the very depths of my heart I know that's true - that they did desire to take it from us. In the depths of my heart I know she ached for us and yet was determined that God was there and we'd get through, just like she has all these years with Ben. She has indeed raised - raised three kids, one with immense challenges, raised my eyes in times of darkness, and raised my hope when I thought I had none. Raised.

Kudos to my mom - kudos to the moms out there who "tend, nurse, mind, raise". May you know you are loved. May you feel celebrated beyond Mother's Day. May you be convinced on the toughest "being a mom" days that on the other side of this life there is One that will hold you and tell you "well done". Love you, mom, more than words can type. My prayer is that one day, by God's grace, I may be half the mother you are . . . for I will count that great success and joy. Most of all, I will know that I am doing what God has called me to, in the enormous job of being mom.