Happy Father's Day

Went to church this morning, but not with my dad. :(:( The holidays I miss the most living in Cincinnati are Mother's and Father's Day. I loved this from this morning: "I am an extension of my father". BIG SIGH . . . . in many ways I am like my father - got my music from him, my ability to see every shade of gray, my flat feet, my hurt for others when they hurt, my inability to make a quick decision cuz I over-think everything (ahem), my tender heart, patience, discernment, listening skills, my German heritage and maiden name that means "Big Cheese" (those last 5 were from Mike :)). But am I really an extension of him? Have I been an extension of his character through all this? In tough times, that's when character matters most, or perhaps when it is put to the test. Your true colors show through when you are at the bottom of life. In my struggles with the Lord throughout this journey, the attribute I have most connected with is God as our father. And why is that? Because I've had the most phenomenal example of what a father should be. Because every morning, regardless of circumstances, dad was on his knees talking with God the Father, asking for guidance, asking for wisdom, praising Him for blessings and crying out when dad was in his own dessert season of life. Proverbs 8:34 says, "Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My doors, waiting at my doorway". Dad listened and watched and waited when the Lord asked him to. And in my heart I always knew that whatever came our way as a family, it would be okay because dad always started the day at His feet. And while Mike and I walked and continue to walk through all we have in the last two years+, I know dad did the very same - down on his knees at the feet of the Father, asking for healing, asking for wisdom, listening to what God had for him and passing along the wisdom to us that God granted.
Psalm 103:13 says, "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him". Compassion - oh the depth of compassion that dad has shown to us - the tears he's shared, the prayers he's cried out on our behalf, the words of wisdom that he's spoken in our journey in the dessert. The characteristic of the Lord that I've questioned the most throughout all this is His love . . . and what has brought me back to truth, that God loves me more than I will ever comprehend? My dad's love - shown in so many ways - as an extension of his heavenly Father. When dad gets to the other side, I have no doubt there are crowns in abundance waiting for him and a smile so sweet and an embrace so big from his heavenly Father. Wish I was there to hug you today, dad. Wish I could put into words the extension that you are of the Lord and what that has meant to me in my life. Hope that Mike and I will one day have kids who can share in an exceptional relationship with their grandfather, because you are a man worth knowing, loving, learning from and you are leaving a legacy that has gotten your kids, Mike and I, through one of the darkest times of our lives. Thank you - keep going - love you. Happy Father's Day!
Rebbie

What's Missing?

Sorry it's been a while since I've updated, friends. Much has happened and emotions have been all over the place. On Mike's birthday this week (a day we weren't always sure we would see) we found out that the third try to disability was approved! We were over the moon about this but have hesitation about it as well. We have tried, for almost the last two years, to qualify for disability. It was unbelievably humbling for us to go into the social security office, but on the other hand, financial strain has been at the forefront of our minds for two years. God has blessed us EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY with our finances in the last two years, but we SO desire for the generous giving to be passed along to others. You'll notice that the paypal button has been taken down from the blog - it's missing! - and on purpose. PLEASE friends, pass along your generosity to others in great need as it has been one of the strongest reminders that God has not left us, that He loves us and that He has a plan for us. And that is priceless. We are overwhelmed at all we have been given and unable to say thank you to adequately communicate the depth of gratitude we feel in our hearts . . . . . . We are okay now - disability will cover our full mortgage and my salary covers the rest. GOD IS GOOD! Our earnest prayer is that once the surgery is done and Mike has rehabbed, he will be back to work and we can be off disability.

Mike has been back to the doctor's twice this week. His headaches have been very intense and have been affecting vision in his left eye. He went to the ER this week and they were unable to do an MRI of the tumor to see if it was bleeding but they were able to break the intense cycle of headaches, and that was welcomed relief for Mike. He was also back at the hospital for a broken toe. He and the trashcan fought and the can won . . .ahem. We also saw the ENT surgeon this week. Two surgeons are necessary as the ENT surgeon will make way for the neurosurgeon to take out the tumor. They go through the nose and will replace bone from the skull and patch the hole with fat from Mike's abdomen. The surgeons are in agreement that the tumor is growing too rapidly and needs to be removed. It is possible that the tumor is much bigger than the last MRI showed OR that this is a very infected pituitary gland and there is no tumor. If this is the case, medication for the endocrine issues will potentially be life long and headaches are not a result of a tumor. We are hopeful that there is not only a tumor, but that is it benign and once removed, will give ease to all endocrine issues and headaches. Mike and I are headed to Akron, OH next week for a wedding and then we are getting away for a couple days before the surgery. It is our 8th anniversary, and the last two years have shown us that every day is a gift. We are looking forward to a couple days away before surgery.

I will probably be updating the blog right after surgery (7/1). We'd appreciate prayers for the surgery, peace of mind, and the headaches that seem to be intensifying. Love to you all.
Becka

We have a date

Mike has seen the neurosurgeon, and the date has been set for the surgery. July 1 at 5:45am, Mike will have the pituitary tumor removed. We hope that this is the end . . . the end of headaches, the end of endocrine issues, the end of hospitals, the end of doctor appointments, the end of living in survival mode . . . . but time will tell. As you know, the tumor has grown very rapidly, and my theory is that when Mike has days of horrible headaches and vision loss, the tumor is growing, but I'm not a doctor! Due to the rate of growth, there is concern that it is malignant, but 85% of these tumors are benign so the odds are on our side. . . . but it's not just the odds, is it? It's the God of creation who knows our bodies and the intricacies therein that is on our side. Mike and I have been feeling at peace lately, we have been feeling blessed and like we might be able to talk about the future - a future we weren't always sure we would have. God is good, all the time, friends.
Mike turns 35 (yikes!) in a week, mom and aunt are coming in a week for a visit, then Mike is doing a wedding, then we are getting away for a couple days for our 8th anniversary, and then the surgery. Not sure about the recovery process. The surgery is done through the nose but there is drilling through the skull involved. I imagine the gall bladder surgery was a pregame drill in comparison!
Thank you for praying for us friends. You da best!