goodness

Truth be told, I’ve been writing this and coming back to it for a little over a week. I’m not sure the reason I’m struggling to write, but pardon my disjointed thoughts. Not much has happened medically since I last updated. Mike and I had colds 7 weeks ago, and what you and I can fight in a week, Mike’s body takes weeks longer. He was put on antibiotics for pneumonia (although we don’t think he had that) and has just recovered. He has not been able to start the new medication as of yet, because he has to be in optimal health to begin. The medication will wipe out what little immune system he has, and he needs to start when he is as “healthy” as possible. While the cold/virus subsided last week, the headaches have intensified. The start of spring and fall are typically triggers for more intense headaches for Mike. He loses sight out of his left eye, does not drive, and he is only out of pain when he is asleep. He tries hard to stay awake, despite the pain, to keep his sleep schedule in tact. I have to tell you there are many things that have broken my heart as a wife watching her husband persevere through this, but the return of the intense headaches means the return of emotional and physical agony. Perhaps you think agony is a strong word, but to hear Mike sob through the pain at night . . . . there is agony in my heart on an emotional level, and physical agony for Mike. When Mike is healthy enough, his blood will be tested again, and he will start the new med. Would you pray fervently that he stays healthy, his bloodwork is fine, and that this new medical endeavor would bring healing?

 I was driving this past weekend and thinking about life. The truth is, I have been given much that others don't have and on the other hand, what Mike and I have lost in the last few years, few can identify with us. Thoughts of blessing and loss typically lead me to Justice. That dog loved to go for rides and enjoyed life with us. His care for Mike and loyalty to me were practically implausible . . . and before you know it, there were tears. I did love that dog! When I came home that afternoon, Mike started talking about Justice as well and the timing of his loss. When Justice died, I was mad. It was one more thing I had lost; one more thing God had taken. Let’s not forget he was diagnosed with cancer on Christmas Eve and gone 4 days later. As the months have passed and my emotions have been challenged, truth is where I find myself. The truth is that there is goodness. Because the Lord is good and loves us more than we can comprehend, there is goodness in circumstances that seem awful. You see, Justice made the decision to go. I didn't have to make that hard call. Justice went when we were with my parents, and my dad was the one to put him down. I wanted no one else to do that. Justice went in dad's care, and that is what I wanted. He also had a great Christmas and subsequent days, and I had hope that there was treatment on the horizon. Dad and I had talked on Christmas Eve about meds that may help Justice. This birthed tremendous hope in me, and Christmas was joyful. My immediate reaction to Justice's death was anger, because I had put aside truth. Yes, Justice went quickly, but dad was there and I didn't have to decide to put Justice down. Yes, I was given hope that we may be able to treat him, and then he passed days later, but Christmas was joyous. And the memories I am left with . . . . well, it’s easy to identify the goodness there.

 But what about the times there is no goodness? What about the times nothing good has come of a situation? Here is the challenge. Here has been my endless challenge in these past years. Where is the TRUTH? The truth is God is good, and if He authors life’s circumstances, there is goodness there, despite what we see. Think right now of life’s most complicated circumstance . . . can you see goodness?

 Would you pray for Mike’s pain to ease? Would you pray for the start of the new medication? Would you pray for his grandmother who is not well? And would you pray for us to see goodness in all things as a result of what we hold to be true? Bless you, friends.