Worn

Dr: “It’s time to stop testing for a diagnosis and passing you along to specialists and time to get an idea of what you have and treat your pain and symptoms accordingly.”

Durk: “Can you come to all my doctors’ appointments with me?!”

Here was the conversation as Mike talked with the new infectious disease doctor this afternoon. Last I left you, the plan was to get some bloodwork done and start an oral chemo, operating under the idea Mike had a rare endocrine autoimmune disease. When bloodwork came back and new symptoms became cyclic (swelling, joint pain and stiffness, high fevers up to 104), Mike was referred to an infectious disease doctor. The doctor is admitting Mike for observation of the high fevers and to run oodles of tests, bloodwork and scans. The infectious disease doctor’s gut is that Mike does not have any type of infection but wants a battery of test results in one place to which specialists can refer. Additionally, he wants to rule out infection if possible, to move forward with other treatment. He also will arrange for Mike to be seen by a rheumatologist in the hospital. The doctor he has in mind is one that will see Mike and not dismiss his case, overwhelmed by Mike’s significant and complex 4 year health history. Ummm, been there, done that. Doctors are happy to push Mike along when he doesn’t fit on the box; this rheumatologist has a reputation of being aggressive in finding a diagnosis, and if none surface, aggressively treating symptoms. Mike will also be seen by endocrinology, the only body system that has shown consistent abnormalities. Mike and I felt good about today. We felt like we were in a holding pattern for quite a while, we were growing discouraged, and today rejuvenated some of our “fight.” Just in the nick of time. Here is a song by Tenth Avenue North that has been playing frequently in my heart and head.

 “Worn”
I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

The phrase that I LOVE and has been my heart’s cry on more than one issue in life lately: “Let me see redemption win. Let me know the struggle ends.” I’ve been holding onto the idea that redemption wins. Maybe some of you need that reminder too. Know that as we walk this, we pray for so many of you. Spring is coming!