Waves

Life comes in waves - good times roll onto the shores of life and bad times follow, and the tides of life recede the bad times and good times roll back . . . . . over and over again the tides change and the waves crash on the shore or lap quietly.
We have experienced many waves this year and a half - hospitalizations, no diagnosis, diagnosis but no cure, treatments that don't work, seizure free periods, closeness of marriage, rough times in marriage, good doctors, not so good doctors, friends loving and caring for us, people who have said hurtful things to us throughout all this, God's provision, worry, peace . . . . where do you even begin to digest all that happened, all the waves that have come our way . . . I'm not sure this side of heaven we'll ever fully comprehend all the reasons and purposes behind all that has gone on . . . and I've said it before - that has to be okay.

The latest wave has brought peace, and that is always a welcome wave! I got away with my mom and sister for a Disney vacation - parks and a cruise (speaking of waves) to celebrate Liz's (my sister) graduation. It was relaxing and restoring despite the fact Mike was in the hospital while I was away. He insisted I stay on vacation, and God granted me peace and rest. Mike has gone 37 days seizure free. Can I begin to tell you how this has calmed my heart? Can I begin to tell you how nice it is to cuddle next to my husband at night, being free of (most) anxiety that he will seize and injure one of us? Can I tell you how nice it is to sleep through the night and in the same bed as my husband? So many nights we've slept apart - Mike not wishing to wake me with seizures. 37 days - let that sink in - 37 days. Mike's off one seizure med and we are hoping he can get off the other two if all goes well. You'll remember he has gone as long as 90+ days, so time will tell what seizure activity will look like. Since weaning off of the long time medicine that Mike slowly and painfully withdrew from, he is feeling better in many ways. That is a huge blessing to both of us.

Last week Mike was in the hospital. He had been sick for a week and went into the hospital for yet another emergency dose of cortef - the med that helps his adrenals fight infection. He ended up staying for 9 days as his blood levels and endocrine levels were all over the place! His kidneys weren't working, his GI track was a mess (and still is), he ran a fever of 104.6, his adrenals weren't working . . . . needless to say that kept him in the hospital for an extended time. He was told several times that he would see a neuroendocrinologist - not only did he not see one of those, he didn't see an endocrinologist but once, despite the fact all GI tests came back fine and all issues could be explained by his adrenal insufficiency. Wonder how much 9 wasted days is gonna cost me? AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Today Mike went to see his regular endocrinologist who is quite concerned at the rate the pituitary tumor is growing. It looks to have grown about 4 times the amount it was a year ago. All of Mike's recent symptoms could be attributed to this growth. The endocrinologist ordered blood work and said there is a 90% chance it has to come out due to the extreme growth over the last yr. The other concern is that because it has grown so rapidly, there is a POSSIBILITY it is malignant - I say possibility b/c we all know how one doctor's thoughts have been opposite of another's. The plan for now is bloodwork and depending on the results, an appointment with a neurosurgeon. And what do all these waves breed in me . . . .peace and hope that there is an answer to all we've endured.

Peace and hope . . . . when's the last time I've written about feeling those in my soul? It's been a while, a very long while.
Thank you for praying, friends, for walking through all this with us, for loving on us in more ways than I can write about or thank you for.
Becka