I sit here, and I am Ironman..... What is an ironman? First, it's a series of triathlons and then it's a superhero. Ironically, Becka is just finishing her first mini triathlon, and I wanted to blog about the superhero she is in my life. I wont be able to write this as creatively as Becka writes our blog, but I will speak straight from the heart, just as she does. I am so honored that I get to be Rebecca Durkee's husband! She is the best superhero I could ever think of. She is IRONWOMAN! What many don't realize is all that rebecca has had to endure in these last 2 years. She has endured a sick husband, job issues, financial difficulty that would have driven many to xanax, and did I mention a sick whiny husband?
Becka has endured all of this and is still her bright cheery self. One of these situations would have driven many people into submission but not my wife. She stood up and faced it all. She took the worst while waiting for the best. I look up to Rebecca and know she is the only reason I found any strength to keep going. I wanted to quit this fight so many times, but I would look at Becka and see her resolve and say I have to stay in it for her. I know that I have messed up many times in our marriage, and yet, Becka is still here encouraging me to not settle for who I am but to strive for who God wants me to be. All of this while fighting her own battles. Becka, as you finish your race today I want you to know that you are more than an ironman triathlete, you are more like ironman, the super hero. Thank you baby for always pushing me to be my best. This blog is rambling on so I will close now. I will leave with one final thought: when you find what I have found in Rebecca Lynn, don't ever take them for granted. Thank God that He considered you worthy to have a relationship with such a person. I love you, Becks!!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
blog update: results
Hi friends,
Mike had 2 dr appointments this week. He has been on antibiotics for a sinus infection (not the most fun thing after sinus cavity surgery) for a week and slowly healing. We saw the endocrinologist on Tuesday and she had the results of the biopsy. What I did not disclose to anyone was that the surgeon took a biopsy to look for inflammation, infection, but also, cancer. Despite the fact he could not find a tumor, there was a possibility the gland was still cancerous. Why did I keep that to myself, you ask? Because there was no use "borrowing trouble" as mom would say, and I had faith the report would be clear. You'll remember that the neurosurgeon suggested to me that the "tumor" on the MRI was inflammation. The report, my friends, was clear!!! Mike has a normal looking pituitary. The endocrinologist read us the report and then looked at us and asked, "Do you believe in miracles?". Ummmm, yes, yes we do! We are rejoicing in the fact Mike does not have a tumor and Mike does not have cancer, and Mike does not have any of the fatal diseases he has been tested for over the last two years. We are thankful.
Now . . . . you'll also remember that we were hopeful Mike had a tumor as it could have been the answer to the endocrine issues as well as the debilitating headaches. We are processing through the fact that Mike doesn't have a tumor, that God very well could have performed a miracle, that Mike is recovering from brain surgery and is very limited as to what he can and cannot do, and where the road takes us from here. It's a lot to think about. Did Mike have a tumor? Did we experience a miracle? Are Mike's other issues resolved? What do we do with this journey we are on? We are obviously giving all glory to Him that sustains every breath, but what else would the Lord have us do with this experience? Is this journey over? Did this journey get longer because Mike doesn't have a tumor? Good old questions. We are used to them! Perhaps rather than trying to answer or guessing at what God might be doing, I will tell you where we are and what our "human" plans are given the present circumstances.
Mike's endocrinologist ordered several rounds of blood work to check his adrenal functions. She also lowered his steroid dose (these replace the hormone triggers in Mike's body that don't work). We'd love to see him off of these, but at present his body needs them. I'll be interested to see the results of the blood work post surgery. Mike also saw the ENT surgeon who said Mike was healing well, there were no leaks of cerebral spinal fluid (csf), but that Mike has more healing to do. He cleaned out Mike's sinus cavity and moved things around at the site of surgery with various tools and suction. Mike's hurting today! ENT will see Mike in three weeks and we will see the neurosurgeon as well. We also need to wait until Mike is healed from surgery to determine the next headache step. If Mike has been healed, he may not have headaches. If he has been healed of the tumor, he still may have the headaches. If the headaches persist, we will see a headache specialist. We also wait on the blood work to determine endocrine functions. Mike has been referred to an optometrist as his peripheral vision in his left eye is fuzzy at best. He also has significant left-sided weakness. It is possible, according to Dr. Durkee (ahem), that Mike's extensive seizure activity has caused damage. He always fell on his left side when he seized - I imagine this could cause weakness and loss of nerve sensation and vision loss on the left side. No one else is sure why this is, so you know me, I gotta make a guess. I'm hopeful that if Mike can get to feeling better, he can work with a trainer to strengthen his left side.
I feel a bit like this post has gone on and on - not sure what I've communicated or if you have a good idea as to where the Durkees are. But He knows, without me saying a word, He knows . . . . . and loves and cares and is faithful despite whatever I question. . . . and that will always be enough.
Thank you for praying, friends. We ask that you rejoice with us for all God has done and pray for what lies ahead.
Mike had 2 dr appointments this week. He has been on antibiotics for a sinus infection (not the most fun thing after sinus cavity surgery) for a week and slowly healing. We saw the endocrinologist on Tuesday and she had the results of the biopsy. What I did not disclose to anyone was that the surgeon took a biopsy to look for inflammation, infection, but also, cancer. Despite the fact he could not find a tumor, there was a possibility the gland was still cancerous. Why did I keep that to myself, you ask? Because there was no use "borrowing trouble" as mom would say, and I had faith the report would be clear. You'll remember that the neurosurgeon suggested to me that the "tumor" on the MRI was inflammation. The report, my friends, was clear!!! Mike has a normal looking pituitary. The endocrinologist read us the report and then looked at us and asked, "Do you believe in miracles?". Ummmm, yes, yes we do! We are rejoicing in the fact Mike does not have a tumor and Mike does not have cancer, and Mike does not have any of the fatal diseases he has been tested for over the last two years. We are thankful.
Now . . . . you'll also remember that we were hopeful Mike had a tumor as it could have been the answer to the endocrine issues as well as the debilitating headaches. We are processing through the fact that Mike doesn't have a tumor, that God very well could have performed a miracle, that Mike is recovering from brain surgery and is very limited as to what he can and cannot do, and where the road takes us from here. It's a lot to think about. Did Mike have a tumor? Did we experience a miracle? Are Mike's other issues resolved? What do we do with this journey we are on? We are obviously giving all glory to Him that sustains every breath, but what else would the Lord have us do with this experience? Is this journey over? Did this journey get longer because Mike doesn't have a tumor? Good old questions. We are used to them! Perhaps rather than trying to answer or guessing at what God might be doing, I will tell you where we are and what our "human" plans are given the present circumstances.
Mike's endocrinologist ordered several rounds of blood work to check his adrenal functions. She also lowered his steroid dose (these replace the hormone triggers in Mike's body that don't work). We'd love to see him off of these, but at present his body needs them. I'll be interested to see the results of the blood work post surgery. Mike also saw the ENT surgeon who said Mike was healing well, there were no leaks of cerebral spinal fluid (csf), but that Mike has more healing to do. He cleaned out Mike's sinus cavity and moved things around at the site of surgery with various tools and suction. Mike's hurting today! ENT will see Mike in three weeks and we will see the neurosurgeon as well. We also need to wait until Mike is healed from surgery to determine the next headache step. If Mike has been healed, he may not have headaches. If he has been healed of the tumor, he still may have the headaches. If the headaches persist, we will see a headache specialist. We also wait on the blood work to determine endocrine functions. Mike has been referred to an optometrist as his peripheral vision in his left eye is fuzzy at best. He also has significant left-sided weakness. It is possible, according to Dr. Durkee (ahem), that Mike's extensive seizure activity has caused damage. He always fell on his left side when he seized - I imagine this could cause weakness and loss of nerve sensation and vision loss on the left side. No one else is sure why this is, so you know me, I gotta make a guess. I'm hopeful that if Mike can get to feeling better, he can work with a trainer to strengthen his left side.
I feel a bit like this post has gone on and on - not sure what I've communicated or if you have a good idea as to where the Durkees are. But He knows, without me saying a word, He knows . . . . . and loves and cares and is faithful despite whatever I question. . . . and that will always be enough.
Thank you for praying, friends. We ask that you rejoice with us for all God has done and pray for what lies ahead.
Friday, July 8, 2011
And now we wait...
Hi friends,
Well, a week out from surgery and Mike is doing well. His head still hurts quite a bit. He is still stuffy and I'm uncertain as to whether the packing in his nose has dissolved. We see the ENT surgeon Wednesday morning. Due to Mike's stuffiness, he has little taste - this is proving a great diet! He also may be getting a sinus infection which only adds to the pressure and pain in his head :(:( His restrictions are great - no lifting anything over 5 pounds, no housework, no taking the dogs out, no bending, no driving, no sneezing or coughing with the mouth closed - anything that can put pressure on the brain is out of the question. The hole that was cut in the brain was also patched. If the patch ruptures, cerebral spinal fluid can leak and that is not good. He is taking it easy and we are still waiting on the biopsy results. We also have follow-up appointments with the endocrinologist and neurosurgeon in a few weeks. Time and bloodwork will tell if the endocrine issues are any better and headaches are hard to decipher now as his head still hurts from the surgery. So we wait. . . . and hope . . .
Well, a week out from surgery and Mike is doing well. His head still hurts quite a bit. He is still stuffy and I'm uncertain as to whether the packing in his nose has dissolved. We see the ENT surgeon Wednesday morning. Due to Mike's stuffiness, he has little taste - this is proving a great diet! He also may be getting a sinus infection which only adds to the pressure and pain in his head :(:( His restrictions are great - no lifting anything over 5 pounds, no housework, no taking the dogs out, no bending, no driving, no sneezing or coughing with the mouth closed - anything that can put pressure on the brain is out of the question. The hole that was cut in the brain was also patched. If the patch ruptures, cerebral spinal fluid can leak and that is not good. He is taking it easy and we are still waiting on the biopsy results. We also have follow-up appointments with the endocrinologist and neurosurgeon in a few weeks. Time and bloodwork will tell if the endocrine issues are any better and headaches are hard to decipher now as his head still hurts from the surgery. So we wait. . . . and hope . . .
Friday, July 1, 2011
Perplexed
Strap yourselves in, ladies and gentlemen, for this post is about to be written by a girl who's been up since five, and like my hair, nothing is pretty right now . . . so bear with me as I attempt to put down jumbled thoughts and update you about today.
We were at the hospital by 6:00 and Mike was in surgery by 8:40. It was supposed to be a three hour surgery. At two hours in, when they called my name, I knew something was up. "Mrs. Durkee, the surgeons will see you now". It was the first time all day I was nervous. I had peace about this surgery from the time it was scheduled up until 10:40 this morning. As I sat in the family room waiting for the 2 surgeons I forced myself not to call my mom and breathe slowly. HA! The surgeons came in, told me everything went well, and good news, there was no tumor . . . . . ummm, come again?? Yep, that's correct friends, no tumor. So the thing growing on the MRI that has tripled in size over a year - yep, nonexistent. They assured me it was good news, nothing they had done would help the endocrine issues nor headaches and the sightings on the MRI were most likely inflammation. They did biopsy the normal looking pituitary and the results would be back in a few business days. "Good news, have a great holiday weekend Mrs. Durkee, we'll need to do an MRI often to keep an eye on the pituitary for future tumors." They left and I again willed myself to breathe.
Because I cannot possibly put into words what today was like, I'll tell you the facts and spare you the mumbling.
We were praying that Mike had a tumor, that it was benign and once removed, would cure or at least help the headaches and endocrine issues. Well, no tumor and therefor, SEEMINGLY, no relief. HOWEVER, NO TUMOR!!!! I told myself all day, as Mike and I often do, don't miss the blessing! It is possible that Mike had a tumor and God healed it. The surgical resident said to us today, "I'm perplexed that I can see a tumor on 2 MRIs and there isn't one in your head, but the Lord works in mysterious ways". I got goosebumps. The other possibility to this is that the image on the MRI was inflammation of the pituitary, but the biopsy they took of the pituitary today was normal looking, not inflamed. Did God remove the tumor with His skilled hands? Was there never a tumor? What happens with the endocrine issues and headaches? We were placing our hope in the tumor causing these issues as the neurosurgeon was pretty sure of this himself. What now? We wait. We wait to see what Mike's endocrine levels are. We wait to see how the headaches are. We wait to see what the biopsy shows. We wait to see what's next. My Facebook status yesterday read, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things". What I should have written is, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things but accepting anything".
I felt in my gut that today was the end of all this. I rarely feel hopeful about anything medical providing answers, but today I did. I can't decide if it were for good reason or the road is just longer for us . . . I just don't know, and time will tell. Is Mike totally healed? Do we have other steps for headaches and endocrine issues? According to the drs today, we do, but according to the Lord, Who is faithful and able, we may not.
Thank you to Mike's family for being there for support today. Thank you to Jill Schellhause who let me cry, have an attitude, love on me and provide levity for the day. She was my mom today, and I loved her for it! Thanks to Katie Smith for cookies and company. The Smiths have walked this journey with us in so many ways. We love them! Thank you to the Lord for NO TUMOR and the longest stint of seizure free activity yet. THANK YOU to all who have prayed, called, texted, facebooked and asked countless others to pray. I'm sorry I couldn't answer all of you! I wish I could. The prayers were felt. I wish I could tell you to stop, but it seems the journey continues . . . . but this blog post ends. good night
~Becka
We were at the hospital by 6:00 and Mike was in surgery by 8:40. It was supposed to be a three hour surgery. At two hours in, when they called my name, I knew something was up. "Mrs. Durkee, the surgeons will see you now". It was the first time all day I was nervous. I had peace about this surgery from the time it was scheduled up until 10:40 this morning. As I sat in the family room waiting for the 2 surgeons I forced myself not to call my mom and breathe slowly. HA! The surgeons came in, told me everything went well, and good news, there was no tumor . . . . . ummm, come again?? Yep, that's correct friends, no tumor. So the thing growing on the MRI that has tripled in size over a year - yep, nonexistent. They assured me it was good news, nothing they had done would help the endocrine issues nor headaches and the sightings on the MRI were most likely inflammation. They did biopsy the normal looking pituitary and the results would be back in a few business days. "Good news, have a great holiday weekend Mrs. Durkee, we'll need to do an MRI often to keep an eye on the pituitary for future tumors." They left and I again willed myself to breathe.
Because I cannot possibly put into words what today was like, I'll tell you the facts and spare you the mumbling.
We were praying that Mike had a tumor, that it was benign and once removed, would cure or at least help the headaches and endocrine issues. Well, no tumor and therefor, SEEMINGLY, no relief. HOWEVER, NO TUMOR!!!! I told myself all day, as Mike and I often do, don't miss the blessing! It is possible that Mike had a tumor and God healed it. The surgical resident said to us today, "I'm perplexed that I can see a tumor on 2 MRIs and there isn't one in your head, but the Lord works in mysterious ways". I got goosebumps. The other possibility to this is that the image on the MRI was inflammation of the pituitary, but the biopsy they took of the pituitary today was normal looking, not inflamed. Did God remove the tumor with His skilled hands? Was there never a tumor? What happens with the endocrine issues and headaches? We were placing our hope in the tumor causing these issues as the neurosurgeon was pretty sure of this himself. What now? We wait. We wait to see what Mike's endocrine levels are. We wait to see how the headaches are. We wait to see what the biopsy shows. We wait to see what's next. My Facebook status yesterday read, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things". What I should have written is, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things but accepting anything".
I felt in my gut that today was the end of all this. I rarely feel hopeful about anything medical providing answers, but today I did. I can't decide if it were for good reason or the road is just longer for us . . . I just don't know, and time will tell. Is Mike totally healed? Do we have other steps for headaches and endocrine issues? According to the drs today, we do, but according to the Lord, Who is faithful and able, we may not.
Thank you to Mike's family for being there for support today. Thank you to Jill Schellhause who let me cry, have an attitude, love on me and provide levity for the day. She was my mom today, and I loved her for it! Thanks to Katie Smith for cookies and company. The Smiths have walked this journey with us in so many ways. We love them! Thank you to the Lord for NO TUMOR and the longest stint of seizure free activity yet. THANK YOU to all who have prayed, called, texted, facebooked and asked countless others to pray. I'm sorry I couldn't answer all of you! I wish I could. The prayers were felt. I wish I could tell you to stop, but it seems the journey continues . . . . but this blog post ends. good night
~Becka
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