Perplexed

Strap yourselves in, ladies and gentlemen, for this post is about to be written by a girl who's been up since five, and like my hair, nothing is pretty right now . . . so bear with me as I attempt to put down jumbled thoughts and update you about today.

We were at the hospital by 6:00 and Mike was in surgery by 8:40. It was supposed to be a three hour surgery. At two hours in, when they called my name, I knew something was up. "Mrs. Durkee, the surgeons will see you now". It was the first time all day I was nervous. I had peace about this surgery from the time it was scheduled up until 10:40 this morning. As I sat in the family room waiting for the 2 surgeons I forced myself not to call my mom and breathe slowly. HA! The surgeons came in, told me everything went well, and good news, there was no tumor . . . . . ummm, come again?? Yep, that's correct friends, no tumor. So the thing growing on the MRI that has tripled in size over a year - yep, nonexistent. They assured me it was good news, nothing they had done would help the endocrine issues nor headaches and the sightings on the MRI were most likely inflammation. They did biopsy the normal looking pituitary and the results would be back in a few business days. "Good news, have a great holiday weekend Mrs. Durkee, we'll need to do an MRI often to keep an eye on the pituitary for future tumors." They left and I again willed myself to breathe.
Because I cannot possibly put into words what today was like, I'll tell you the facts and spare you the mumbling.

We were praying that Mike had a tumor, that it was benign and once removed, would cure or at least help the headaches and endocrine issues. Well, no tumor and therefor, SEEMINGLY, no relief. HOWEVER, NO TUMOR!!!! I told myself all day, as Mike and I often do, don't miss the blessing! It is possible that Mike had a tumor and God healed it. The surgical resident said to us today, "I'm perplexed that I can see a tumor on 2 MRIs and there isn't one in your head, but the Lord works in mysterious ways". I got goosebumps. The other possibility to this is that the image on the MRI was inflammation of the pituitary, but the biopsy they took of the pituitary today was normal looking, not inflamed. Did God remove the tumor with His skilled hands? Was there never a tumor? What happens with the endocrine issues and headaches? We were placing our hope in the tumor causing these issues as the neurosurgeon was pretty sure of this himself. What now? We wait. We wait to see what Mike's endocrine levels are. We wait to see how the headaches are. We wait to see what the biopsy shows. We wait to see what's next. My Facebook status yesterday read, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things". What I should have written is, "surgery tomorrow - expecting great things but accepting anything".

I felt in my gut that today was the end of all this. I rarely feel hopeful about anything medical providing answers, but today I did. I can't decide if it were for good reason or the road is just longer for us . . . I just don't know, and time will tell. Is Mike totally healed? Do we have other steps for headaches and endocrine issues? According to the drs today, we do, but according to the Lord, Who is faithful and able, we may not.

Thank you to Mike's family for being there for support today. Thank you to Jill Schellhause who let me cry, have an attitude, love on me and provide levity for the day. She was my mom today, and I loved her for it! Thanks to Katie Smith for cookies and company. The Smiths have walked this journey with us in so many ways. We love them! Thank you to the Lord for NO TUMOR and the longest stint of seizure free activity yet. THANK YOU to all who have prayed, called, texted, facebooked and asked countless others to pray. I'm sorry I couldn't answer all of you! I wish I could. The prayers were felt. I wish I could tell you to stop, but it seems the journey continues . . . . but this blog post ends. good night
~Becka