disbelief and wonder

First of all, a promise - a new blog picture with more season appropriate attire - coming soon to a blog near you.

So every year I read through the Christmas story a few times and try to see things through the eyes of the characters God saw fit to play a role in this amazing and eternity-altering story. I have identified with Joseph this year. Consider the wonder, the excitement, the disbelief, the questions, the unknown . . . on a VERY small scale, I identify with Joseph. Here is a man who was going about his life and then something rocked his world. I feel that way. We were going about life - moved to OH - started a new life, new jobs, and then our world was rocked. So many times I've heard about disaster or illness or trauma that happens to others, and although my heart went out to others in those situations, somehow I gave myself a pass - believing nothing would ever rock my world like that. And yet it has. Here is where disbelief shows itself - disbelief that it's us going through this, disbelief that it's been what feels like forever, and disbelief that it will end. There are questions - Why? When will it be over? Will it be over? What else could we do? What else should we do? What should we feel? Do we feel? Like Joseph, there is the unknown. The long road that the Lord asked Joseph to walk - imagine the unknown in raising the Savior of the world! And there is unknown in all of this - what does the future look like? What other symptoms may arise? What is the diagnosis???

BUT . . . . . , like Joseph, there is wonder. The wonder that Mike is still with me (we questioned fatal diseases). The wonder that we are still in our house when financially, the checkbook doesn't add up. The wonder that every time I ask the Lord to show up, He does. The wonder that family has stepped up in unbelievable ways because, "that's what family does". The wonder of Mike's sense of humor that still resides in his heart. The wonder of friends that have been family to us. Disbelief, questions and unknown - these are trumped by the WONDER of what God is doing through all this every day of the week (well, almost every day - wink).
Merry Christmas, friends. May the wonder of our Savior's birth, death, resurrection and daily workings and intercessing on our behalf rock your world!

Mike update: Mike's seizure meds were increased once again due to increased seizure activity, and there has been a decrease of seizures. He has had a few nights where he was having one or none! This is always a welcome change! This afternoon he had a killer headache and 2 seizures. He hasn't had seizures during the day for a very long time, nor a headache that has been this intense, for quite sometime. SIGH Tomorrow, Mike will try reducing a medication that he has been on for about 5 years. This is one of the last things we have not tried with him. Most neurologists have said there is no way this medication is causing his seizures and headaches, yet we have little left to try. We cannot keep increasing seizure meds, we don't have a diagnosis to tackle, environmental and diet modifications have not worked, top hospitals and neurologists have few answers, and so we try this. Mike will halve his dose tomorrow and the goal is to get him off of this med altogether to see if symptoms decrease. Friends, if you've ever begged the Lord on our behalf, can I ask you to do it again? Can I ask you to hope on our behalf? Can I express thanks in any other way than my inadequate words? Merry, merry Christmas!!!
Becka