wrestling

Went to church this weekend. It was a new church for us – and what was the topic, you ask? It was suffering vs a loving God – I chuckled out loud a little. The church is doing a series about the big issues that many struggle with in the realm of Christianity. I thought the wrestling analogy was a good one – very appropriate for the way I feel. The message was from Job. The pastor opened with prayer and listed various sufferings – illness (check), loss of employment (check), and loss of a loved one. Can I tell you I have missed my grandparents SO much this week. I have seen little old ladies in the grocery store and started crying; I was watching a show where the bride had her grandfather walk her down the aisle – I cried; I flipped through my pictures on facebook and cried when I saw my grandparents. Their death is so final to me – I don’t know if this is typical of grieving – this feeling of finality and the feeling that I could cry at anytime months after they are gone.

Needless to say, the topic and opening prayer caught my attention in church. At the end of the service, the pastor asked us to sing the song that talks about the Lord giving and the Lord taking away and choosing to say in our heart of hearts, BLESSED be the name of the Lord despite our situation and what God allows. Lately I’ve truly been thinking about the words I’m singing in church – I haven’t always wanted to sing these words in my time of “wrestling” – just bein honest. The pastor asked us to sing it in faith. I found that at my core, I can still sing in faith that no matter what happens, God is sovereign. One of my greatest fears throughout all this, and I think I’ve shared this before, is that my heart would be hardened, because most of the time I operate on autopilot – feeling little and just getting through the day. It was reassuring to me that I was indeed able to sing that with “faith”.

Today I’d like to ask you to pray for another family. We have been bathed in prayer by SOOOO many and have been SOOOOO blessed by it, that we’re asking you uphold the Belanger family this week. They gave birth to, and subsequently lost their first little girl, Ashlyn Rose, this week. No doubt they will be doing a lot of wrestling . . . .
One more thought to leave you with – a story I heard on the radio this past week. There was a group of men who left their village for the fishing season. On their scheduled return, there was no sign of them. The village was devastated – fearing they lost their father, sons, uncles, friends. A few nights after the scheduled return, there was a great storm. One of the houses in the village was struck by lightning and caught fire. Everything was lost. The next morning, the village awoke with great joy in their hearts as they saw the ships, carrying their men, on the horizon, heading home. As the men got off the boats, the woman whose house had burnt met her husband in utter despair – crying to him and telling him everything was gone. He smiled to her and said, “Rejoice in the fire for it was the light of the flames that lit our way home”. The question that followed was an interesting one – What tragedy has God allowed in your life to usher in blessing?