What goes up, must come down

After my "I can't do life anymore" post last week, I felt like Mike and I were as low as we had been in a very very long time. We were both sleep deprived and seizures were more frequent and intense. There was an overwhelming and crushing blow that the very difficult withdrawal Mike and I have lived since December, resulted in more seizure activity when we had hope that coming off the medication would perhaps be the answer. It not only was not the answer, things got worse! Talk about getting hit while you were already down. It's no secret I have battled hopelessness throughout this journey and the fact that I had put my hope in this small chance for an answer . . . . it was a smack in the face - I fought against the "Why do you bother hoping - it gets you nowhere every time" lie in the depths of my heart.

Mike left last weekend to go to Columbus - Ohio State - as their neuroendocrinology reputation is stellar. He, unfortunately, could not see one in the hospital. He was told it was not a life or death situation and therefore could not see one. You'll remember that Mike has yet to see a neuroendocrinologist. Our hope is that someone who has knowledge with the endocrine system (which is the only test that has shown anything is wrong with Mike) as well as neurology, will put together the endocrine issues (pituitary and adrenal glands) with his neurological symptoms. Mike was given an appointment in June but got a sooner appointment at the end of this month at the Cleveland Clinic. Mike has family in Cleveland.

Perhaps as the old saying goes, "what goes up must come down", the opposite may also be true. What was so far down last week, has come up. Here are some answers to prayer:

Mike has been accepted by the NIH to be a part of some medical studies that pertain to the endocrine system. He will see a neuroendocrinologist as a part of the study. Because this is a study, there is no charge to us. They may even pay for travel. This takes place in April. The exact date is TBD.

Mike has been in Cleveland with his family which has allowed me to sleep at night. What is comical is that the times Mike seized at night I am automatically waking up. I do love my routine. Ha! He will return home Friday.

Mike was taken off the Depakote (seizure medicine) as it had too many side effects. He has gone from 6 medications to 4!

Our mortgage is paid through May. We had $270 to pay our mortgage due April 1st and were trying to sell what we could to help pay for this. I was thinking about how sad it would be that on my birthday, I couldn't make my house payment. God was, and remains, faithful to us in providing funds to pay the bills. Mike has also applied for temporary disability. He was denied the first time and has applied again. Some of you have asked why we don't sell the house and move closer to family. This is complicated for 2 reasons. I would have to have a contracted teaching job before we could consider moving as we have to have income and health insurance. In this economy it is difficult to find a job, and I would have to retransfer my teaching license as well as fly back and forth for interviews. We would also have to sell our house which would be difficult in this economy. Our house also presents complication because when we bought it, the previous owners did not disclose some information and our basement is cracked all the way around. It leaks terribly. We would most definitely need to have this fixed before selling it. So, as easy as it sounds to move, there are many factors. Not to mention we really like Cincinnati and have friends here and love our house and neighborhood. To give this up would feel like yet another loss.

On a final note, I spent some much needed time with the Lord Sunday. When I get low, I feel like David - pleading with the Lord to "show up" . . . . and He always does. I read about trials and saw things in a new light. I also listened to a sermon online and there were many things that stood out to me, but this is what hit me the hardest - if you have long time unmet expectations of the Lord, it's because He is trying to exceed them. And that, my friends, is sweet.
Love and thanks and blessings to all of you for all that you are to us . . .

~Becka